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Giving every child, teenager and adult permission to grieve. Grief Speaks conducts workshops, presentations, keynotes and in-service trainings for schools, hospitals, businesses, agencies, communities, and organizations. Lisa speaks to adults, teenagers and children about Coping with Losses, Transitions and Grief. Audiences leave with a better understanding of how grief manifests in children, teens and adults. Lisa teaches that grief is not only from a death loss but from such issues as loss of relationship, loss of possessions, loss of identity, loss of hope and dreams, loss of skills and abilities, loss of the future, loss of safety, loss of environment and more. She teaches that some loss is tangible while other loss is intangible. Lisa provides many coping tools and strategies that can be used by young children, elementary level, middle schoolers and teenagers. Lisa creates an interactive program that changes the way her participants view grief and how they may now support a fellow griever. Lisa speaks all over NJ in elementary, middle and high schools as well as colleges and universities. Students and school staff benefit tremendously from the wide variety of topics that Grief Speaks offers. Grief Speaks is also available to come out in the event of a loss at school, work or in the community to speak about the loss and grief, which is a very important topic yet often avoided in our society. Often grief becomes like the elephant in the room, clearly present, but often unacknowledged. It is valuable and important that we do not pretend that everything is still the same after a loss has occurred. Unresolved and unacknowledged grief can lead to a lack of joy, depression, unhealthy risk taking behaviors, promiscuity, substance abuse and addictions, emotional problems, difficulty in relationships, academic failure, apathy, delinquency, anxiety, rage, self harm and even suicide or homicide. Who can benefit from Grief Speaks? Teachers, parents, coaches, physicians, nurses, hospital staff, emergency room staff, EMS workers, fire departments, police departments, First Aid Squads, assisted living facilities and nursing homes, aunts, uncles, camp counselors, youth group directors, YMCA staff, guidance departments, student assistant counselors, school staff and support staff including custodians, bus drivers, lunch aides, office staff, school nurses, board of education members, PTA's, counselors, day care workers, crossing guards, after school staff, coaches, religious teachers and leaders, corporations and employees, and anyone else who would like to learn how to support or assist grieving children, teens or adults in their lives at home, work or in the community. What Schools Have to Say: “Lisa gave a presentation to our school guidance counselors that was outstanding: informative, lively, articulate, meaningful, everything we could have asked for. The audience was totally engrossed from start to finish. The material benefited not only every student in the school whom we can now counsel more effectively but every counselor personally as well. Her talk was so dynamic and energetic that we all felt we could have sat for another two hours. I personally wished I had taped the presentation so I could play it back and digest all the little gems of wise advice that were interspersed with her accounts of actual cases. She also brought much wonderful resource material--one of the counselors was so excited, she said she wanted to read each and every book on the table. I would heartily recommend Lisa as a speaker for teachers, counselors and/or students, especially in a situation where many are dealing with crisis situations. She is loaded with good advice and good strategies.” November 13, 2009, Shelly Levine, Head of Guidance at Delbarton School, Mendham, NJ Top qualities: Great Results , Personable, Expert Hired Lisa as a education/child psychology consultant in 2009 "I had the privilege to meet Lisa when she gave a workshop on Grief and Loss at Passaic County Technical Institute. Co-Workers and I concur that this was one of the best continuing education training we have ever attended. Lisa is extremely knowledgeable in her field and captures each audience she meets as she is a dynamic speaker with a myriad of resources and tools to work with a grieving population. I have always been impressed by how much she puts herself into her work with the populations she serves -- her enthusiasm is contagious. Ever evolving in her scope of practice, Lisa’s expansion from consultant into the world of her own company is a credit to her drive to help others and I am pleased to have her as a colleague.” November 13, 2009, Stephanie Nauta, Guidance Department at Passaic County Technical Institute where Lisa spoke to the staff for a 2 hour professional development workshop on Supporting Grieving Students. Stephanie is also a professor at Kean University and had Lisa speak in 2008 and 2009 to her graduate students on The Importance of Supporting Students Coping with Grief). Top qualities: Personable , Expert , High Integrity Feedback from the New Jersey Counseling Association Conference 4-10-2010 Presented on Grief, Loss and Healthy Coping at Brookdale Community College
"Excellent speaker!!! Have her back next year!" "Excellent presentation. I have seen Lisa before and she is very knowledgeable and dynamic." "Wonderful, energetic, funny and amazing. A real find. Hope she is back again." "Lisa was great. Loved hearing all of her real life stories. Lots of great one liners." " Great presenter, dynamic and captivating. Great way of using real life examples and experiences to express the outlined concepts." "Fabulous presentation! Really human, warm, funny and compassionate. Bravo!" "Multi sensory, verbal, visual, tactile, clear, funny, complete, inspiring, helpful and excellent!" "Inspiring and informative presentation. Thank you for your preparation and humor which made a usual "untouchable" topic more realistic and helpful." "Phenomenal presentation! Loved it. Best of all I had attended. Engaging." "Very interesting. I wish all people would attend this workshop so they could understand what is and what is not helpful when one is grieving. The books she recommends are great reading." "Excellent speaker. The energy and the comedy!" "You were phenomenal. I held my tears back for 2 hours and my dad died six years ago!" "Presenter was excellent! Great use of humor to keep up attention and interest. Extremely knowledgeable. Loved it!" "Excellent information and vibrant presentation". "Best presentation yet! Hands on, exciting, real examples and ideas to utilize. Energetic, excellent!."
Great Quotes on Grief: When a person is born we rejoice, and when they're married we jubilate, but when they die we try to pretend nothing has happened.- Margaret Mead There is no grief like the grief that does not speak. -Henry Wordsworth We can endure much more than we think we can; all human experience testifies to that. All we need to do is learn not to be afraid of pain. Grit your teeth and let it hurt. Don't deny it, don't be overwhelmed by it. It will not last forever. One day, the pain will be gone and you will still be there. - Harold Kushner When All You've Ever Wanted Isn't Enough A child can live with anything as long as he or she is told the truth and is allowed to share with loved ones the natural feelings people have when they are suffering.- Eda LeShan
When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. -Henri Nouwen Nothing that grieves us can be called little; by the external laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size. Mark Twain, Which was the Dream? (1897)
Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion to death.- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
"There are three needs of the griever: To find the words for the loss, to say the words aloud and to know that they words have been heard." - Victoria Alexander
"Deposits of unfinished grief reside in more American hearts that I ever imagined. Until these pockets are opened and their contents aired openly, they block unimagined amounts of human growth and potential. They can give rise to bizarre and unexplained behavior which causes untold internal stress." - Robert Kavanaugh
"Grieving is a journey that teaches us how to love in a new way now that our loved one is no longer with us. Consciously remembering those who have died is the key that opens the hearts, that allows us to love them in new ways." - Tom Attig, The Heart of Grief
At some of the darkest moments in my life, some people I thought of as friends deserted me-some because they cared about me and it hurt them to see me in pain; others because I reminded them of their own vulnerability, and that was more than they could handle. But real friends overcame their discomfort and came to sit with me. If they had not words to make me feel better, they sat in silence (much better than saying, "You'll get over it," or "It's not so bad; others have it worse") and I loved them for it. - Harold Kushner, Living a Life that Matters
"It is very easy to see the allure of alcohol to dull the pain and the temptation to punish myself for something that is not my fault. But he sobering truth is that if I step onto the path of self-destruction, I know I will never come back. " Bill Jenkins, What to Do When the Police Leave: A Guide to the First Days of Traumatic Loss Some thoughts on grief:
It is crucial that we don't ignore grief or pretend it isn't there. Stuffing and avoiding it only causes it to fade from the surface and erupt later and in different, and often destructive ways. Grief is normal and natural. We need to acknowledge another's loss and grief, be understanding and patient that each person grieves in his own time and in her own way. Say something like "I am so sorry to hear about your loss". So often grievers feel left to handle the loss alone, as others are so afraid of saying the wrong thing, so they say or do nothing. Offer a hug, send a card, show up, partake in the rituals, acknowledge the loss, bake some cookies, share memories of their loved one, just sit with them and allow them to express their grief. Don't force someone to talk about it. Trust that if a person feels safe, respected and supported during their time of loss, they will grieve. When we love someone and lose them we grieve. Many say that grief is a sign of love. However, we grieve those relationships that were full of conflict and hurt too. Don't assume that the relationship was only positive. It is healthy for the griever to be able to talk about the happy and the less than happy memories. Grant one another permission to grieve. Grief is a process, not an event. In our fast paced world, we long for speed grief. We grow impatient when others are "not over it" yet or "still sad". We think that there is a time frame for grief and often act like the "grief police" letting others know that they are violating their allowed time. Grievers need bumper stickers that read, "I am grieving as fast as I can" or "Griever on Board". We must do the difficult and at times exhausting 'grief work' if we are to begin the healing process and to be able to once again engage in life and relationships fully. What schools have to say about Grief Speaks: "Lisa is an engaging speaker who
offers useful tools to help people of all ages understand and manage feelings that they may not even know are related to grief
and loss. She infuses humor and real life examples into her presentations that everyone can relate to. Lisa is extremely knowledgeable
and passionate about her commitment to helping others recognize how grief and loss may be affecting them. I think it's extremely beneficial
for parents, educators, and students to attend her talks to help them know what to say and what to do
when someone in their lives or communities suffers a loss. I highly recommend attending a Grief Speaks presentation! It's
an empowering experience!" Laura Leigh Smith, Ph.D, LPC Corresponding Secretary t
for the James Caldwell PTA, Springfield, NJ. "Didn't want this day to go by before thanking you so much for your wonderful presentation last night!!! It
was informative, heart-wrenching, and even humorous (if that is possible!) ...making it a totally enjoyable evening for
all! It doesn't matter how many times I hear you speak, you continue to enlighten and inspire me to think outside
the box in my daily practice!" Monica Cattano, Nurse
at Jefferson School, Summit "Thank you for taking the time to present to our school. The staff, students, and parents learned a great deal about recognizing when someone is grieving. We also learned about the many types of losses that may cause someone to grieve. Your presentations at our faculty and PTA meetings helped us to identify grief in others, especially our students, while providing strategies to assist those who are grieving. Through your classroom presentations, our students gained an understanding of how to deal with their own losses and how to be sensitive to anyone who is grieving from a loss. In the short time since your presentations, we have already experienced the benefits from them. The staff, counselor and I have begun using strategies learned to assist our students. On behalf of the entire faculty at James Caldwell School, I appreciate your support and welcome you back next year." David Rennie, Principal at James Caldwell School, Springfield, NJ. What High School Students Have to Say: "It was so refreshing to have someone talk to us about dealing with different kinds of grief. For me, this was the first time anyone has even spoken to me about how to handle loss. It took so much tension from my life when I realized that all of the anger I was feeling was really just masked grief." HS senior " Thank you for helping me with my friend who has a dad who was diagnosed with cancer a year ago. He is going to die and now I have learned things to do and say that can be helpful and help her as well through it. Thank you for helping". HS sophomore
"I can't thank you enough. My dad died two years ago and not one kid in school talked about my dad after that. You came and gave permission to the kids to talk to me again. My best friend and I haven't spoken in the past two years much at all, and now after your talk, we sat and talked for an hour. He apologized and told me he didn't think he should bring up the death. Now we have our friendship back. I am so grateful that you came in. The kids are now talking to me about my dad and it is a relief." "I think every student from Kindergarten up through high school should hear these presentations. This is so much more important than math." HS senior
What Middle Schoolers Have to Say to Lisa after her 1 hour presentation in their classroom:
"The assembly was helpful as it taught me that it is okay to cry. My favorite part was when we talked about what helps when we are feeling upset." "I thought this talk was very useful as it taught us how to get your stress out. I like how we got to share stuff on a card with her and she read it outloud and gave us help with our difficulties." "I think Grief Speaks was a cool assmbly. I liked the idea of writing a letter when you are mad, but not sending it to the person. I think I will use these ideas the next time I have to deal with tough stuff in my life." "This program really helped me with dealing with the death of some of my relatives. I now have some things that I can do like make a memory box or write them a letter saying everything I didn't get to say to them. I also learned that you can go to a guidance counselor at school to talk about your problems, not just about school work." "I feel bad for anyone who missed this assembly. It was great. It can save kids from going into gangs or even the wrong crowd. I think it was incredible. I hope that they continue this so the next generation will receive the privilege of hearing this talk!" What
Elementary School Students Have to Say: "I learned from your presentation that when you are grieving you can talk to someone about it. I also learned that it is okay to be sad when we lose someone we love. I learned a lot from your lesson. It really helped. " "I thank you for explaining grief. I had it but didn't know what it was called. When I was younger my cat died. I loved him a lot and miss him still. You taught me that is okay. Thanks." " When you came in I then realized what grief means and what it is. I know what I can do and that it is okay to feel the way I feel." "You have shown me some ways to get my frustrations out. Thank you for teaching us about grief." "I learned that it doesn't have to be a death to feel grief. Thank you for teaching us about grief. It is good to know about since we all have losses." "Thank you for telling us that it isn't our fault when our parents fight or even get divorced. I thought it was my fault. Now I know it isn't. I feel much better now. I am so glad you came to our school." "Now I know how to make a scream box and am going home to make one for each person in my family. They can stop yelling at each other so much. Thanks." "Thanks for reading us the book about the cat who died. I got some good ideas now since my dog is old." "I am glad you came to our school. Adults don't talk to kids much about this stuff and it is something we think about. You let us ask questions and share what we wanted to share. Thank you." What Teachers Have to Say: "The presenter was excellent, motivating and relevant to this population." A High School Teacher in Union, NJ What Hospitals Have to Say: "Lisa's talk was phenomenally good. She was spontaneous and absolutely
riveting, with more than enough important content to anchor the stories she told. I wish I had the talk on tape, both for
the value it had for me personally as well as for professional use. I intend to have her come speak to the family medicine
residents here at the hospital. I would urge all of the other residencies to consider her as well." Stuart
Green, PMH, LCSW, Associate Director of Overlook Hospital Family Medicine Residency Program,
Summit What Counselors Have to Say: “Lisa Athan provides exceptional training to both children and adults
on how to help children in grief. Through her workshops, she engages participants in understanding the impact of grief through
simulations, reflections and sharings while also sharing her keen insight into the grief process. Anyone who has had the privilege
of attending such a session led by Lisa is sure to report an "Ah-ha" moment when he or she reaches a new level of
understanding. If you are in need of a caring and competent trainer or support person, I urge you to contact Lisa.”
Mary Fleck , Facilitator of Peer Support Group , Good Grief "She's excellent - I want to put her in my pocket and take her home." Morris County 2008 NJ Student Assistant Professionals Conference "Lisa was inspiring, funny, engaging with great tools, ideas and book suggestions" "Your workshop was really engaging and amazing. I learned so much that I am able to apply daily! Thank you for your dedication and knowledge on grief work. It is so important!" Counselor at a Livingston Elementary School (Sept 08) What Others Have to Say: "Lisa, We thoroughly enjoyed
your presentation at the Glen Rock Jewish Center at the Movin-On Group (for widows and widowers).Your delivery was
so engaging. By any measure you are a very effective speaker and educator. I found your comments on living with grief especially stimulating
. It was thoughtful of you to add those personal observations. Your talk gave many of us a boost to life . I personally feel
much more confident in handling my own grief . Thank you for a very valuable experience. and I hope you can visit us again."
With Gratitude Binny
Grief Speaks to adults in teenagers lives. Grief Speaks to children and teenagers. Grief Speaks to adults about adult grief and loss. "
We pay psychotherapists to cure it, take Prozac to mute it, seek counseling from religions which exhort us to rise above it,
read inspirational books to overcome it, join recovery groups and self-help groups to cope with it, spend millions to escape
it, use alcohol, drugs, food, work, possessions, sex, entertainment and all the techno-toys we can get to distract ourselves
from it." - Margaret Greenspan, Healing Throught the Dark Emotion
"There are many sorrows in today's world! These sorrows are due to hunger, to dislodging, to all kinds of illness. I am convinced that the greatest sorrow of all sorrows is to feel alone, to feel unwanted, deprived of all affection. It consists in not having anyone....May we all be instruments of peace, of love, and of compassion." Mother Teresa A Generation At Risk (adapted from Rainbows: program for children who suffer a loss through a life altering crisis including death of a parent, divorce or other separation issue: www.rainbows.org  FACTS WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT AMERICAN CHILDREN
1 in 2 will live in a single parent family at some point in childhood DIVORCE STATISTICS Current
Family Statistics - 2003 68.7% of American
Youth are living in non-traditional families 7 out of 10
(Note:
This does not include youth impacted by the death of a loved person such as a sibling or grandparent.) ** Per the Step-family Association, there are no current Census stats available for Step-family statistics. However, a survey conducted in 1995 estimated that 30% of all children are living in either a step-family or a cohabiting couple. Children of divorced
parents are seven times more likely to suffer from depression in adult life than people of similar age and background whose
parents have not divorced. This Israeli study, indicated that the loss of a parent through divorce is more likely to cause
depression than loss through death. "The earlier the separation occurred, the more likely it was to have had an influence,"
researcher Bernard Lerer said. (Study by Bernard Lerer and Ofer Agid of the Biological Psychiatric Unit at Hadassah Hospital,
Jerusalem, as reported in Molecular Psychiatry, 1999) CUSTODIAL
/ NON-CUSTODIAL STATISTICS
STEP-FAMILY
STATISTICS
BEHAVIOR STATISTICS
SUICIDE STATISTICS
TEEN PREGNANCY STATISTICS
FAMILY TYPES
DEATH
STATISTICS
CRIME STATISTICS
It is crucial
that we discuss this very important topic that is affecting our present as well as our future. We need to learn how to support
one another in grief as well as to learn powerful tools that can encourage and increase resiliency in our youth.
Lisa is currently accepting bookings for workshops and presentations for 2009 and 2010. Call
her and see how she can help your school, organization, hospital, business or community group. Lisa can create
a unique presentation for your particular audience or conference needs. Phone: Please call 973-912-0177 to contact Lisa
or email her at lisa@griefspeaks.com |
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