"Sorry,
but I don't have the time for a lunch date with you next Tuesday, but if you were to die on Sunday, I would be able to
attend your funeral on Tuesday. So, as long as you are still alive on Tuesday, I would have to say no."
Of course
no one would ever say these words out loud, and yet sometimes I feel as if we live like this.
One day as
I was doing my daily reading of the obituaries, I was struck by the thought that most of the time, we only find out about
a funeral from the paper or from a phone call. We usually have only a day or two notice, or less. We respond immediately by
clearing our calendars and blackberries so that we are available to be there. Nothing seems more important than to attend
a funeral.
I find it fascinating that we, who are such busy people living such hectic lives can drop everything
to attend a funeral, yet so long as the person is alive, we decline invitations for lunch or coffee, in the name of busy-ness.
"Sorry, I am too busy next week. Perhaps another time."
Being in the field of grief has made me
more appreciative of life, and reminds me that each moment is sacred. We never really know how long we have with anyone in
our lives and that motivates me to drop everything for the important people in my life when asked to. I share this idea with
people whenever I deliver workshops on grief. Many people thank me for reminding them all how precious life is.
Douglas C. Smith, an inspirational author and speaker on death and dying, shares a powerful example of this from his own
life. Many years ago, he and his younger brother had talked for quite some time about taking a bike trip together out west.
They were both in their twenties and both busy, so they kept putting it off, although both really wanted to do have this bonding
experience. Doug wrote himself a note on his calendar months away, to remind him to call his brother and make the date firm.
Well tragically, his brother died a short time later and they never did get to take that trip. Doug keeps that calendar page
on his wall to this day, years later, as a reminder that life is precious and not to put off spending time with people who
we care about. He encourages his audiences to make time for the important people in their lives before it is too late. I thank
Doug for that lesson.
As I finish this, my daughter is pleading with me to take her on a much-needed date,
so I am going to drop everything and go