A suicide survivor or a suicide griever is someone who has lost
someone close to them from suicide. A person never "gets over" it, but you can get through it with the support of
others, your ability to grieve, and learning to slowly accept that your life is now changed. It will be a different normal
from here on in.
Suicide often
involves loved ones experiencing a range of feelings including shock, numbness, guilt, anger, confusion, denial, sadness and
more. People wonder forever, why? What if I had only.... Maybe if.... Looking back now I wonder if.... There
is often stigma attached to suicide so at times grievers will encounter blame, judgement or exclusion. Often friends don't
know what to say so may say something very hurtful "didn't you see any signs?" or people seem to run the other
way to avoid you.
Plan what to say to others. So often survivors are faced with questions that are uncomfortable from
outsiders. Creating something or a couple of things to say will help so that you feel more prepared. If someone asks details
you may say, "I don't really want to talk about it now". If someone who doesn't know asks how they died it
is fine to say, "she took her life" or "she died by suicide". Some will say, "he suffered from a
long illness" which is the truth for so many who suffered with depression for a long time.
Explaining suicide to children:
Children tend to be less shy about asking all kinds of questions.
Some though, will need help in getting their concerns out. Never lie, as the truth will always come out and later children
often feel angry and hurt that they didn't know the truth. If it is mentionable it is manageable. You can teach that "the
person had an illness inside their brain and it made them so sad that they couldn't be in that pain anymore and they didn't
want to live anymore".Be careful about making the person seem bad because they made a bad decision. They were not thinking
clearly at that time. Teach children that suicide is not an acceptable action. Also let them know that most people who are
sad and depressed do not take their own lives. Most get help from people who can help them, doctors, counselors, friends.
Encourage your child to seek help that is available to them if they need it.
Suicide: When a person kills himself
or herself on purpose. When a person makes his or her own body stop working.
There are many reasons why people die by suicide. Research tells us now that 95% of people who die by suicide
had a mental illness that was diagnosed or was un-diagnosed. At the time of a suicide a person is not thinking about
the effect it will cause on their family and friends. Sometimes they think their family and friends will be glad they are
dead. This is never, never what happens. A family is sad and wish that they could have helped the person. Sometimes
families feel angry too that the person didn't tell them that they were so sad.
Families feel terrible when someone dies by suicide. Some people try to pretend it was an accident. It is always
better to be honest when someone ends their own life. Here is a good way to understand what happens: "Some
people's bodies get sick and don't work right. And sometimes a person's brain or mind doesn't work right. They can't see things
clearly and they feel the only way to solve their problems is to take their own life- to kill themselves. However, this is
never a solution to problems, the only reason they thought of it is that they weren't thinking very clearly. (How do
We Tell the Children? by Dan Schafer and Christine Lyons)
It is important to teach children that there are always
solutions to any problem. It always helps to share our problems with others and listen to the ways that other people may suggest
that we might solve our problem. It is also important as friends of someone who had someone die by suicide that the
focus should be on the loss of the person and not on "how" the person died. No matter what someone is still missing
having someone in their life. There is a lot more confusion, sadness and anger with a death by suicide. It is helpful if the
person can find a suicide survivor group to attend or to go to a suicide survivor web site. Often people want to be with others
who have had a similar situation happen.
It
is never too early to start healing. Find a support group or a qualified therapist as soon as possible. Many claim that being
in a support group for survivors was the best thing they did after the death. Just being in a room with others who have lived
through this helps so much.
Support Groups by County
Atlantic:
Heartbreak to Healing: Mutual support and understanding for persons who have lost
a loved one to suicide. Group meets last Tues, 7:30pm, Grace Lutheran Church, Somers Point. Call Dolores 609-345-3230
Atlantic City Grief Support
Group: Professionally run for anyone who has lost someone
to natural causes, homicide, suicide, or sudden death. Meets 2nd Wed, 6:30-8:30pm. AtlanticaCare Healthplex, 1401 Atlantic
Ave, Atlantic City. Call first 609-272-2424
Bergen:
Survivors After Suicide: Professionally run. Provides support for family members and friends of people who died by suicide. Open to all. Meets
1st and 3rd Wed. 7:15-8:45. Vantage Health System, 2 Park Ave, Dumont. Call Michelle at 201-818-7133 or Vantage
Health System 201-385-4400, ext 0
Burlington:
Helping Hands Grief Support Group:
Christian based support
for anyone bereaving the loss of a loved one (including death of a child, loss to homicide or suicide) through education,
encouragement, counseling and understanding. Families welcome. Meets 1st and 3rd Monday 7-9pm. Fellowship Alliance Chapel,
Log house behind church, 199 Church Rd, Medford. Call Wanda and George 609-953-7333 ext 309
Living Through Suicide:
Prof run, Christian based support for those who have lost a loved one to suicide. Meets 4th Monday, 7-9pm. Fellowship
Alliance Chapel, 199 Church Rd, Medford. Call Wanda 609-953-7333 ext 309
Sharing Suicide's Sorrow:
Prof run, Support for family and friends grieving a death from suicide. Meetings vary. The Center for Grief Support,
5 Eves Drive, Suite 180, Marlton. Call 800-596-8550
Camden:
Friends and Families of Suicide:
Support
for those who have lost a loved one to suicide. Meets 2nd Tuesday, 7:45pm. Barrington Borough Municipal Building, 229 Trenton
Ave, Barrington. Call Barbara 856-307-0331. email: survivingsuicidenj@yahoo.com
Essex:
Surviving After Suicide: prof.run, Support for those who have lost a loved one to suicide. Guest speakers, literature and
phone help. Childcare available. Meetings vary, Brandt Life Therapy Center, 15 Bloomfield Ave, Suite 2, Verona. Call first
973-239-0954 email dougbrandt@comcast.net
Mercer:
Surviving After Suicide:
Prof
run, Support for those who have lost a loved one to suicide. Quarterly newsletter, meets 3rd Wed, 7:30pm, Trinity United Methodist
Church , 1985 Pennington Rd, Ewing. Call Daniel Casselberry, 609-434-0061 email dbcassel@comcast.net
Middlesex:
Surviving After Suicide:
Prof run, Group for survivors after the suicide of a family member or friend. Meets 3rd Monday 7:30-9pm, University
of Medicine and Dentistry of NJ. University Behavioral Health Care, 671 Hoes Lane, Piscataway. Call Peggy Farrell, 732-462-5267.
email: farrmarg@aol.com
Monmouth:
Surviving After Suicide:
Prof run, Group for survivors after the
suicide of a family member or friend. Meets 2nd Tues 7:30-9:30pm. Bayshore Memorial Hospital, Conference Room A, 717 N. Beers
St, Holmdel. Call Peggy Farrell 732-462-5267 email: farrmarg@aol.com
Morris:
Survivors of Suicide:
Mutual support and discussion for people
who have had someone close to them die by suicide. Meets 2nd and 4th Wed. 7:30-9pm, Grace Episcopal Church, 4 Madison Ave,
Madison. Call Jane Cole 973-786-5178.
Ocean:
Survivors After Suicide:
Support for those who have lost a loved
one to suicide. Meets 2nd Thursday, 7:30pm, St Francis Center, Long Beach Blvd, Brant Beach. Call Jo and Roger 609-361-7608.
Survivors of Suicide:
Grief support and understanding for those
who have lost a loved one to suicide. Meets 2nd Wednesday, 7:30-9:30 pm, Ocean Medical Center, 425 Jack Martin Blvd.
Brick. Before attending call Dave Thelen, 732-899-8483
Surviving of Suicide:
Mutual support for those who have lost
a loved one to suicide. Meets 3rd Tues, 7-9pm. Kimball Medical Center, Center for Healthy Living, 198 Prospect St, Lakewood.
Call Jim Romer 732-886-4475 (day) email: jromer@sbhcs.com
NATIONAL:
American
Association of Suicidology:
American Association of Suicidology:
National , 350 affiliated groups. Referrals to local support groups for survivors of suicide nationwide.
Directory of groups ($15). Newsletter, pamphlets, and brochures available for a fee. Book available on starting self-help
groups ($30) Write : 202-237-2280 website: www.suicidology.org email: info@suicidology.org
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention:
Resource:
Founded 1987. Provides state by state directory of survivor support groups for families and friends who have lost someone
to suicide. Training programs available to start similar groups. 888-333-2377, ww.afsp.org
Heartbreak:
Mutual support for those
who have lost a loved one through suicide. Information, referrals, phone support and chapter development guidelines on-line.
Speakers on suicide bereavement. 719-596-2575. http://heartbeatsurvivorsaftersuicide.org