What to do if you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted or abused:
Sexual Abuse happens to about 1 in every 4 females and 1 in every
7 males.
If a friend confides in you that she or he has been sexually assaulted
or abused it is important for you to know:
An assailant can be a :
boy next door or down the street
the varsity captain you have a crush
on
a guy you met at a party
someone who
your friend or family knows
a friend
a boyfriend
a relative
78% of rapes
are committed by people the victim knows!
Sexual violence is any
form of unwanted, unwelcome or coercive sexual contact.
A victim is unable to consent if:
he/she is under age 13
a victim under age 16 when the assailant is at least 4 years older or
a victim with diminished mental capacity, which can mean a victim is drugged, drunk, high, unconscious, or has a
developmental disability.
Facts:
You have the right to change your mind about having sex
Kissing only means you agree
to kiss
Just because you are in his home, he is not entitled to sex
Sex is not a necessity for anyone, even if they are aroused.
No one is entitled to have sex with anyone without their consent!
Believe your friend.
The force
used in rape can take many forms:
Not listening
Physical force,
such as overpowering someone or using a weapon
Emotional coercion, such as threats
If someone says, "I was raped," the most important thing you can do is
to believe them.
Offer support and safety:
Offer
to listen if your friend wants to talk.
Help explore options. Your friend will need to decide
about medical attention, counseling and whether to call the police or not. Support whatever decision your friend makes.
Encourage your friend to seek medical attention. Do not take a shower, bath or go to the bathroom until you she/he
gets medical attention. Even if you don't report the rape, still get medical attention. The hospital will be able to test
for STD's, HIV/AIDS and talk about possible preventing of pregnancy.
If it has just
occurred, encourage your friend to go to a hospital or a doctor immediately, before showering or changing clothes.
A doctor, nurse or other health care provider can check for injuries that might not be obvious. They can give your
friend medication to prevent pregnancy, and check for sexually transmitted diseases.
They
can collect evidence should your friend decide to press charges.
Encourage your friend
to seek counseling:
Immediately after a rape, calling a rape or crisis hot-line can
help your friend deal with the crime. There is one in Westfield, NJ called the Union County Rape Crisis Center. The phone
number is 908-233-7273. This is a 24 hour hot-line and someone will pick up and speak to your friend anytime. Encourage your
friend to call, as this is very helpful. Also counseling helps many survivors as well.
To
report an attack:
To report an attack, call your local police department. If you
are at school, call the campus officials or school safety officer. A rape crisis counselor can help with these issues as well.
Reporting the crime and pressing charges may help a person feel empowered after a rape, plus helps to prevent this crime from
happening to someone else.
Offer to stay with your friend:
Your friend will probably not want to be alone.
Offer to stay with your friend or
ask if she would like to stay with you. Assure your friend that it was not your friend's fault.
No
matter the circumstances, rape is never the victim's fault.
Be ready to help with
the long -term healing:
It can take a long time for a person to heal emotionally
after a rape. Some people are strongly affected for a few months, others for years. Help your friend make decisions about
counseling, and support that will help with the healing process. Do not expect your friend to just "get on" with
life and act normally. They are adjusting to a new normal. Their world may not feel safe to them right now. Encourage them
to do things that help them to feel safe.
Take care of your own emotional needs too.
Knowing someone that you care about has been raped is shocking and scary. You may need to talk to a counselor or
friend about your feelings too.
Remember that the most important thing you
can do for a friend who has been raped is to believe it happened and to be a friend.
There is also a national sexual abuse hot-line: 1-800-656-HOPE
REMEMBER: NO means No . You are not to blame.
You are not alone. It is not your fault.
What you Need to Know about Sexual Assault at College:
Morris County Sexual Assault Center, Morristown NJ 07960
is hosted by Morristown Memorial Hospital and provides free and confidential
services to survivors of sexual assault ages 12 and up. Counseling is also available for partners, friends and family members.
A skilled counselor is available to meet with you on your campus or at MCSAC. Services include individual and group
counseling, advocacy services, 24 hour hotline and crisis counseling and community education. Feelings associated with
the assault will not just go away by themselves. They are there to help. All calls confidential. To schedule an appointment
or get info call: 973-971-4715 or call the 24 hour hotline 973-829-0587
Normal feelings
after an assault:
shock, inability to concentrate, fear, guilt, nightmares, suicidal feelings, not knowing who
to trust, depression, self doubt, disorientation, confusion, flashbacks, anxiety, shame, betrayal, concern for the rapist
and eating disorders.
How often does it happen at college?
90% of victims of sexual assault on college campus know their offender
1 in 4 college women have been victims of rape or attempted rape during their
college years
Sometimes it's
not safe to resist a rape. The rape is still not your fault.
60% of rapes at college occurred in the victim's residence, 31% occurred in other living quarters
on campus and 10% at a fraternity
The
most common date rape drug used is alcohol
Fast Facts on College Victims......
1 in 4 college
students has been the victim of a sexual assault or attempted assault
92% of college students who are sexually assualted (men and women) know their attacker
Alcohol is a factor in 90% of the sexual
assaults reported
Of reported
hate crimes, 15% were motivated by sexual orientation
42% of college women who are raped tell on one about their assault
84% of college men who committed rape said that what they
did was definitely not rape
The
risk of rape is 4 times higher for women ages 16-24 than for any other group
NJ Rise
in Teen Pregnancy Can Link to Abuse:
After a 15 year decline, NJ last
year showed a 3% increase in teen pregnancy. According to a Harvard School of Public Health study and the Center for American
Progress, the recent rise may link to childhood sexual abuse. An estimated 60% of teen girls' first pregnancy are preceded
by sexual molestation, rape or attempted rape. Harvard's research said that 30-44% of teen mothers were the victims of rape.
It also suggested that girls with a history of sexual dating violence are more likely to engage in substance abuse,
engage in eating disordered behaviors, heavy smoking and are 8 to 9 times more likely to have attempted suicide in the previous
year. (Atlantic Health Campus S.T.A.R.) Stand Together Against Rape
Start a Men of Strength Group on Your Campus:
www.menagainstrape.org
Men Can Stop Rape is a non profit out of Washington DC.
Helpful books and web site:
Invisible Girls: The
Truth about Sexual Abuse- A book for teen girls, young women and everyone who cares about them by Patti Feuereisen
Patti has a web site that is for girls: www.girlthrive.com ( girl teens healing from rape and incest victoriously emerge) How Long Does it Hurt: A Guide to Recovering
from Incest and Sexual Abuse for Teenagers, Their Friends and Their Families by Cynthia Mather
It Happened
to Me: A Teens Guide to Overcoming Sexual Abuse- a workbook by William Lee Carter
The Courage to Heal by Ellen
Bass
BOOKS
for BOYS:
Don't Tell: The Sexual Abuse of Boys
by Michel Dorais
Books for Men:
Victims No More: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse
by Mike Lew
www.girlthrive.com